I don’t like to overly use capital letters, exclamations, and profanities in trying to express emotion. These are employed far to much at the flimsiest pretext, making there actual impact virtually nothing. So please read the following with the utmost earnestness.

Sweet. Raspberries. That was one of the best vacations ever.

The following is a very throughout account of my trip. Feel free to tackle it in multiple reads, skimming where you deem appropriate.

There were an even dozen of us going on the trip, which worked out nice because we got group rate discounts on various activities. The group consisted of Sarah, Emma, Dylan, Sandra, Tina, Steffan, Steffan’s girlfriend Estella, Sam, Cat, Cat’s boyfriend Rich, and myself (Aussie, Aussie, Yank, Finn, Finn, Dutch, Spanish, Yank, Brit, Brit, and Yank, respectively). We took the bus down to Stockholm and flew to Kiruna (see map)

Kiruna is very north and very cold. The average temp was around -20 c, which is about -5 f. It is in Lapland, a region that spans Norway, Sweden, Finland, and into Russia (it is not a political region, but a national one). It is the home of the Sami, a group of indigenous cold dwellers. We land, wait for a cab, and then make it to the hotel.

The hotel is of the rustic “cabin” type. There is a main lodge, and each party rents a cabin. We rent two, with two people on couches (I get a couch). That night Sam, Cat, and I went out to play in the snow. We climbed atop these 10 ft tall snow banks and jumped into the 5 ft powder snow below. It was ridiculous fun.

In the morning we got picked up by a cab with the dog sledging organization. As we waited in the freezing, freezing cold more and more people showed up. A group of a dozen Spaniards , 4 Chinese, 4 French, and 4 central Europeans (German, Austrian, Dutch). Then we slowly filed in and out of the warming house to put on massive boots and snow pants that the organization provides. It should also be noted that the warming house was in fact not warm, as the generator was turned on just as we arrived.

The owner of the organization, and sole worker at the drop off point was an old Swed named Hindrich. We later found that the workers at the village refer to him as “Black Santa”, and it’s a pretty good description. Picture Santa if he had a strong Swedish accent, worn grizzled drab green and black clothing, and was serious rather than jolly.

For another infinitely long time he showed us how to handle the dogs, how to drive the sledges, and how to drive the snowmobile. We took out the dogs who had been locked up all night, outdoors (though they don’t seem to mind) and they proceeded to pee like Austin Powers when he was defrosted. It smelled really rank in about 30 seconds. Then we hooked them up and we were off.

We went on three sledges and three snowmobiles with trailers, switching off so everybody could have a turn. Everybody, and I mean everybody, was frozen stiff before we even headed out. The drive was beautiful but nobody took pictures because they didn’t want to remove their gloves even for a second. Everyone was docile, huddled for warmth. Emma later described it jokingly like being driven off to a concentration camp. It really sucked.

We get to a partically frozen river and Hindrich is a little perplexed. It seems the flowing of the river was blocked by some ice formation, and the water is now in our path. We all get off our vehicles and start to march a long path thought the snow. But this is actually an improvement because the activity warms us up. 20-30 minutes later we are at the Sami village and I was toasty.

Let me describe this village for you. It had a kitchen/meeting house/bedroom, a Sauna, an outhouse, a woodshed, and maybe 7 other cabins for sleeping. The above pic is the kitchen/meeting house/bedroom where our group stayed. Right away they put us to work cutting wood. Well, they didn’t put us to work so much as said “You cabins are cold. You must heat them. Here are axes and saws.” That’s how Black Santa talked. We stopped to eat lunch at 3. Note by this point we had been outside for just under 6 hours straight. But everybody’s bad mood was gone because the village was so…cool.

Lunch was smoked reindeer over pasta. It was delisious, possibly because we had been working so hard (food is always better after lots of physical work) but also because reindeer is tasty. It’s kinda like a peppery, tender beef.

The two employees at the village were two brothers, Anna (male) and Pieter. Dylan said they were very similar in personality to people who live all the time at cabins in northern Minnesota. Kooky, funny, friendly, slightly racist, but all around good guys. They are half Sami.

After lunch, more work. Chopping wd for the Sauna and gathering water from the frozen river. Pieter cut the hole but we had to ladle it and bring it back up the hill (on a sledge, natch). Then we had dinner (fried reindeer) and relaxed. Some people played cards. I talked up Pieter because I was very interested in the politics of the Sami-Swed interaction. He was very impressed with what I already knew (I looked them up on Wikipedia before we left) and told me more. It seems the Sami have a reservation system not unlike our American Indians, but he said the majority of Sami now live in Stockholm. There are two types of Sami, the fisherman and the reindeer herders. They don’t get along. The reindeer herders are given money by the government and generally have all the power. Each reservation has a “King” who is also the chief reindeer herder. There is a Sami parliament that spans all 4 countires, but Peiter says it is emeshed in petty squabbles and doesn’t get much done. The Swedes like this so that the Sami cannot present a united political front to the Swedish government. I of course cannot attest to the objectivity of this account, but it was very interesting. Before working for Hindrick, Pieter worked for the government counting lynxes, bears, and wild reindeer. He was also in a rock band and they toured around for 16 years (he played some music, it wasn’t bad).

When the Sauna was hot enough I went in. It was like heaven. Did a little talking with Dylan, Sam, and a German and an Austrian girl. We all went out in our skivvies and rolled around in the snow.

I fell asleep very quickly.

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-The Wandering Norseman-